Trauma and Memory

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Trauma and memory often go hand in hand. Many trauma sufferers have gone to psychotherapy and it has helped them greatly. I don’t typically see those people. The trauma sufferers I see are those who have tried psychotherapy at length and found little to no relief.  The symptoms of trauma that I typically observe in my practice are: internal spinning or a sense of constant agitation, feeling ungrounded, heightened emotional triggers, mood swings, anger, anxiety, trouble sleeping, brain fog, low energy and relationship strain. There are many other symptoms but these tend to be the most common ones.

Basically, the person doesn’t feel like themselves since the trauma and they’ve tried to get themselves “back on track” but all the usual coping mechanisms of yoga, meditation, and therapy just aren’t working for them anymore. It’s very frustrating for them, and to be honest, they’re usually close to giving up and I’m their last-ditch effort.

I totally get it, I was once them. I didn’t think Trame Vibrational Therapy was any different than the dozens of other alternative therapies I had tried. My response was like: “yeah yeah…okay I’ll try it”. That was how I used to feel but let’s focus on the results of my past clients.

My past client’s name is Connor. He was a middle-aged exceedingly successful entrepreneur who would get these intense flashbacks of the sexual abuse he endured as a child. He would be walking his dog and bam, he’d be struck by these memories. Connor was able to function well but he was always wary about a flashback around the next corner.

 I explained to Connor that we can never clear out the actual traumatic memory, that’s called brainwashing. We don’t do that here! What we can do is clear out the raw energy of the memory so that it stops taking up precious space within your body. This is the feeling of internal spinning or a sense of constant agitation I was referring to earlier, that most of my clients complain of.  During Trame Treatments, the raw energy of the trauma begins to be cleared and the trauma sufferer begins to feel relief. They aren’t constantly perceiving this intense emotional energy inside of them spinning constantly. It starts to create clarity, emotional calm and changing perspectives.

Here is the tricky thing about traumatic memories: they replay over and over. Your body doesn’t ‘know’ that the trauma is over.  It perceives it in the present moment because there is an ongoing energy that is being picked up. AKA the internal spinning/agitation. When the raw energy of the trauma is stuck inside the body, the trauma movie replays again and again leaving the person in such a state of turmoil and suffering.

So how does Trame Vibrational therapy help clear out the raw energy of the trauma? It’s not magic. It’s quantum physics and alchemy together and it works on all living things, not just us. Basically, it works through intention and through connecting with the client’s specific vibration at each of the sixteen hand positions. I tune in and then I clear out vibrations or frequencies that have been accumulated over time. The other hand positions, I am aligning your Trame or grid. This allows for proper communication within your body but also empowers the person to make choices that are in alignment with their true selves. Without getting too technical, it brings the body back to homeostasis or balance and most people wake from their session saying ‘wow’ because they were transported to another place they haven’t been.

Here is more information about Trame Vibrational Therapy.

 Trame is not a magic bullet; nothing is. However, it is a treatment that allows the trauma sufferer to clear out the energy of the trauma without reliving it and it gives the person an opening to make changes in their lives. Ultimately, what the person does with that opening is up to them. Everyone has free will. The choice to do what they want with their lives and how they choose to integrate their sessions is no different.

So, what happened with Connor? He had three Trame sessions and all his traumatic flashbacks were gone, as in, never came back again. Connor went about his life no longer worried of what flashback was around the corner. He was ready to clear very the energy of the trauma and that’s exactly what happened.

I’ll tell you what happened with Connor. He decided to try three sessions of Trame Vibrational Therapy. Yes, it was completely outside his comfort zone as his inclinations were more towards sports and sweeping these emotions under the rug. I guess he got curious.

*The names in this blog post have been changed in order to protect the identity of the individuals*

Staying Grounded & Calm

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If you’ve ever felt what it is like to have the coffee jitters, ants in your pants or trouble falling asleep, then you know what it’s like to feel un-grounded.  This is a feeling we can all relate to but may not know what to name it.

On the other hand, if you’ve felt what it’s like to lay on the beach, swim in the ocean or hike up a mountain, then you also know what it’s like to feel grounded. It’s the difference between coming out of your skin and melting into your bed at the end of the day.

Using the Power of Nature to Ground Us During Uncertain Times

The reason the ocean, sand and mountains are all conducive to feeling comfortable in your skin is because these are natural sources of negative electrons. The same holds true for salt lamps, Epsom salt baths and trail walking. I’ve heard that salt lamps near a child’s bedside can help soothe the little ones to sleep.

We can use the power of nature to help ground us when we really need it. Right now, we are in the last week of March 2020 and the COVID-19 pandemic has brought many of us to our knees for many different reasons. I don’t know about how you are getting through this tough time but as for me, my goal is to stay away from panic and anxiety. As a single mom and a business owner this has been and will challenge me more than I understand at this point. I just keep bringing myself back to feeling grounded and centered using the tools I’ve learnt over the many years of attending courses in CFQ Qigong, meditation and energy healing.

Here Are My Tips for Staying Calm During The Storms of Life:

  1. This is the most important thing you can do for yourself and others around you. Feel the air going down into your hips. Don’t imagine, FEEL.
  2. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach and feel your body under your hands, don’t change anything, just feel and breathe. Do this for 5 min or more. This is really powerful when you dedicate yourself to it for just a few minutes.
  3. Feel your feet. If you’re standing or sitting don’t cross your legs or shift from side to side, sit/stand with both feet flat on the ground (use a step stool to help with back pain). Simply stand/sit and feel your feet. That brings your energy down to the earth, grounding you.

Pay attention and when you notice yourself becoming un-grounded take one or more of the steps above to bring yourself back to a calmer headspace.

To your well-being,

Madeleine

Are You Showing Up as Your Truest Self?

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How Trame Vibrational Therapy Can Help You Heal Your Mind and Body

Vulnerability has been researched extensively by one of my favourite experts on all taboo topics – Brene Brown. Leading by example during her TED talk that became the Top 10 most viewed in the world, she put herself out there confessing that she didn’t agree with her research findings. She has studied vulnerability for the past twelve years and has empirically proven that vulnerability at its core requires courage and simply can’t exist otherwise.

I don’t know about you but for me vulnerability didn’t come easy and still takes a few deep breaths to conjure the strength to put myself “out there” in moments when I’d rather put a wall up or pretend otherwise.

We are all Imperfectly Perfect

The reason I believe this topic is so important is that we live in a culture where we are starved for real connections. We are all-tech-all-the-time and little face to face time. We are going a million miles a minute and crave human contact, but we can’t really connect if we’re faking it or holding back our true selves. It is important to get comfortable in our own imperfect skin so that we can show up more as who we are, in order to reap the social rewards.

We all have people in our lives that being completely ourselves comes naturally and then we have the relationships where we feel we have to put our best foot forward and strive toward perfection.

So how do we show up as our true selves when we are in front of people who expect us to be flawless? How do we shed all the layers of false beliefs that tell us we are not good enough and really show up as who we really are?

It’s entirely possible.

One Step at a Time

With a focus on personal development and the right tools, you’d be surprised at how quickly your internal world changes for the better.

I’ve seen clients in my practice that come in with laundry lists of issues like physical pain, depression/anxiety, difficulty communicating or relating to their kids or spouses, stress, difficulty getting motivated in their businesses, and so on.

Sounds like a lot to “fix” right?

It’s a lot simpler than drudging through all the issues and dissecting them at length. In my practice, it’s about recalibrating the individual so that their own innate intelligence takes care of the healing.

So how do we get this done? Trame Vibrational Technique.

Trame Vibrational Therapy

Trame is vibrational medicine. Just like a musical instrument that requires periodic tuning, so do you! We are very complex instruments that can play off key at times and this only means we need a tune up.

Signs you may need a vibrational tune up:

  • Lack of mental clarity
  • Re-living the past
  • Anxiety/depression
  • Lack of energy
  • Difficulty focusing
  • Issues with Sleep
  • Inability to settle
  • Pain in the body

And the list goes on!

As Albert Einstein once said, “the future of medicine will be the medicine of frequencies.” Trame Vibrational therapy is just that – a big step toward balance, harmony and re-setting the nervous system so that the body can heal itself.

Feeling empowered enough to be vulnerable no matter where you are or who you’re with is something that I’ve witnessed in my practice even when clients weren’t looking for it. They show up confidently with their children as well as at work, they become more resilient to very stressful situations, and they learn about themselves. But most importantly they are happier and feel more like themselves. Personal growth is why I do what I do. I know the pain of not showing up as myself fully and I want to share that gift with others.

Let’s Connect

If you’re looking to shed some layers that are holding you back from fully expressing who you are in the world, book your complimentary 30-minute consultation and learn how this is easier than you think.

I invite you to share your experience or ask questions in the comments. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and join our newsletter for health inspirations and tips. My YouTube Channel is also an amazing place to connect and learn.

To our health & wellbeing,

Madeleine

Healing Trauma in Children with Trame Vibrational Therapy

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Has your Child Experienced Trauma? 

First of all, you’re not a bad parent. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control and as parents we simply do the best we can in the circumstances we find ourselves in. Helping heal trauma in children is a topic that I take very seriously.  

In fact, my own daughter had a brain injury at birth resulting from oxygen deprivation. The cord was wrapped tightly around her ankles and doctors didn’t detect it until I was in labor. So – I hear you! I know what it’s like to want to do everything in your power to help your child heal. 

As parents, we always want the very best for our kids. But what can you do if your child is too young to talk through their fears or challenges? Luckily, I have a highly effective, yet gentle treatment to offer you – it is called Trame Vibrational Therapy. 

How Can Trame Vibrational Therapy Help your Child? 

This is a gentle hands-on treatment that takes between 15-35 minutes depending on the age of your child. This treatment resets the nervous system and clears out cellular blockages. Blockages are caused by unresolved emotions, physical injury and negative beliefs. This treatment will also re-align the body’s blueprint. This blueprint controls all of the information and energy that travels through the body and organizes the body from start to finish. 

After a traumatic experience these blockages can get stuck in the body – thus creating chaos. Children and even adults can find it extremely challenging to describe what they are feeling inside. Once the treatment is over, balance is restored and cellular memories and blockages left behind from trauma will be cleared out. Then, the body will undergo an integration period that lasts up to forty days. During this time, the body will adjust to its new condition, in order to reach its natural harmony and state of empowerment once again.  

What is Involved in this Treatment? 

For children, this treatment may involve talking, moving around, and an ebb and flow (depending on the child). This is so that we are able to get all the hand positions completed. 

I’ve treated children that have experienced serious trauma such as – the loss of a parent, kids who have been bullied or made to feel unaccepted by their peers, and even those that wanted to avoid taking medication for their symptoms. I also have extensive experience working with children with severe autism.  

I invite you to share your experience or ask questions in the comments. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and join our newsletter for health inspirations and tips. My YouTube Channel is also an amazing place to connect and learn. 

To our health & wellbeing, 

Madeleine 

Paralysis of Perfection

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Do you ever feel like you need to be perfect?  Like you haven’t “figured it all out” yet. And even when you reach your goal you still don’t feel that sense of accomplishment.

Many people wake up each day judging themselves because of what they look like, comparing themselves to others or being hard on themselves for not measuring up to their own high standards.

The obsession with perfection isn’t something you’re dealing with alone. It’s a tendency that is rising in our youth today. According to the study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin:

“more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher scores for each form of perfectionism than earlier generations.”

We compare ourselves to filtered idyllic pictures on social media or to a friend or colleague who, from the outside, seems to ‘have it all’ and then we feel ashamed, isolated or even depressed and anxious when we don’t measure up.

Do you ever feel it’s easier to mask or push down those emotions so that you don’t have to deal with them? Is talking about an issue difficult for you?  Vulnerability can be scary and sometimes we simply don’t have the words to adequately describe what we’re feeling. The truth is we all have moments, days or even years spent in survival mode. When we really aren’t living our ‘best life’ as Oprah loves to say.

We’re Not Here to Be Perfect

The truth is we’re not here to be perfect. We’re here, in my opinion, to discover who we really are and be that out in the world. We don’t have all the answers and who are we to judge ourselves as we figure that out? Isn’t that why we’re here; to learn, grow and find out what gives us the most satisfaction?

Isn’t it time to let go of perfection and be true to ourselves? We learn by screwing up and the more we resist the mess, the longer it will take to learn that lesson. 

I believe that if we pay attention to what our emotions are trying to tell us and are aware of our effect on those around us, we can make little refinements each day, not to be perfect but to be ourselves with complete acceptance, warts and all.

When I see clients in my practice increase their self-awareness, soften their expectations of themselves, it helps me to deepen my belief that change is always possible, that no one is stuck in their perfection and that there are always choices available for growth and expansion of self.

I invite you to share your experience or ask questions in the comments. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and join our newsletter for health inspirations and tips. My YouTube Channel is also an amazing place to connect and learn.

To our health & wellbeing,

Madeleine

Breaking Up is Hard on Your Heart…Literally

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When I found out I had fallen in love with a fictitious person over the internet, I was heartbroken and a little humiliated. I started to go back and re-trace my steps. How had I fallen for this scam and was I completely nuts to care for a complete stranger?

It’s not surprising that once we’ve been hurt, we (and our brain) don’t want to feel that pain ever again. Even mentioning a memory can trigger us to feel those painful emotions all over again. So what do we do? We put up a wall around our hearts to protect us from the hurt.

What is a Heart Wall?

A heart wall is just a layer of energy around your heart that was created by all those trapped emotions of rejection, pain and loss. This heart wall serves as a barrier around your heart that acts as a protector against future pain. Although intended as a protective mechanism, it actually isn’t protecting us at all.

The interesting thing I’ve noticed is that when we are hurt we not only close ourselves off from the “bad stuff” but we also block ourselves from receiving all the good feelings as well, like love and appreciation. We lock our heart down so that we don’t feel pain but that blocks us from feeling love too. It’s a two way street.

Why Are We Blocking Ourselves from Love?

So, why do we block ourselves from love when that is the very thing we crave most after a breakup?

It’s our brains’ fault! Our brain wants us to avoid pain and move toward pleasure. Did you know the parts of our brain that process pain light up after a breakup?

“The brain studies show us that romantic rejection hurts just like physical pain, and it is like cocaine addiction.”

So here we are addicted to love and in fear of actual physical pain! No wonder we shut down!

The ironic part is that being in a committed relationship, specifically a marriage, protects our hearts. A Harvard Health article refers to the Framingham Offspring Study where “married men had a 46% lower rate of death than unmarried men”.

Experiences like the one I just went through can make people less open to trusting others but it’s not in our best interest to hide away from the world if it keeps men alive longer.

But what about women? Does being in a happy marriage protect our hearts too?

According to a study by the Journal Heart, it does. The risk of (dying of a heart attack) was significantly higher (42%) among those who had never married.

It looks like being in a happy marriage is protective to our hearts. Not only that, heartbreak can make us shut down our heart connection when we need its guidance most. Our heart is the connection to the other side, to our intuitive, unconscious or bigger self. It holds so much wisdom and comes in handy all day long for those of us who listen. If we shut down because of a heart wall, what are we listening to now? Not our guidance, not ourselves but our fear and pain and who knows where that will lead us?

What are we editing in our experience so that we don’t have to deal with pain from our past?

Like a snowball rolling downhill, our pain only gets bigger and bigger the more we ignore or sweep it into the background.

In order to release it, we need to let go of the past beliefs and actually do the work of our unconditional loving selves to bring back balance.

I’ve seen countless strong yet heartbroken individuals in my practice as a Trame Vibrational Therapist. People are trying to get out of situations where they feel emotionally handcuffed and stuck. After each session we see progress in terms of getting more clarity about a path out and a greater ability to handle stressful situations in a way that honors who they are and what they really want.

Perhaps asking ourselves how we want to feel is a good place to find inspiration to go down that sometimes bumpy road of healing.

I invite you to share your experience or ask questions in the comments. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and join our newsletter for health inspirations and tips. My YouTube Channel is also an amazing place to connect and learn.

To our health & wellbeing,

Madeleine

References:
Busch, L. Y., Pössel, P., & Valentine, J. C. (2017). Meta-analyses of cardiovascular reactivity to rumination: A possible mechanism linking depression and hostility to cardiovascular disease. Psychological Bulletin, 143(12), 1378-1394.
https://theanatomyoflove.com/the-results/the-rejected-brain/

The Universe is Your Expert Event Planner

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Have you ever worked yourself up, or even panicked, wondering if the money, better job, new relationship, improved health, etc. will ever come?

Let me ask you a question before we start. What would be more satisfying to you?

  1. Winning 5 million dollars in the lotto
  2. Earning 5 million dollars yourself

Most people would just jump to option number one. Of course I want to win the lotto because I get it instantly! Duh.

Is Winning the Lottery Truly Fulfilling?

Winning a large sum of money means that you would have all your basic needs met, but would you be happy? Would you be fulfilled? Let’s take Donna Mikkin for example,

Donna Mikkin won $34.5 million in the New York State Lottery in 2007. She said the big win ruined her life and led to “emotional bankruptcy.” “Most of us think that winning the lottery is the ultimate fulfillment. But I found that wasn’t the case,”

It’s the expectation that all your problems will be solved and that joy accompanies that check. It doesn’t.

But this is merely an example of our faulty reasoning. We think the shortest path from ‘A’ to ‘B’ will be the best way when in fact it’s not. It is so much more satisfying for you to take the scenic route, than it is to get there instantly.

Taking the Scenic Route in Life

The scenic route provides the fun, the magic, the synchronicities, the lessons and so much more. Think of the universe as your expert event planner. They’ve thrown a party like this a million times before and know all the right people to call to make it a huge success. You don’t need to bother yourself with any of the details.  You don’t need to stress or doubt or be afraid; the universe will find all the details that will give you the most pleasure.

Yes, I am talking about the law of attraction

Option number 1- winning the lotto is the straight line.  It’s the most efficient route and will get you there in a hurry. But it won’t provide you with the same joy as the scenic route.  It’s like a multi-millionaire, business tycoon that has a beautiful family, a boat, fast car, respect of others and yet can’t enjoy any of it. That’s not success. And most people would agree that there is no point in having anything if you can’t enjoy it! Ever see someone with plastic covering on top of their fancy couch? You aren’t even allowed to sit on it. What is the point of having a couch?  Likewise, what is the point in having all the money or fancy car if you aren’t able to enjoy it?

So who controls the scenic route?  My understanding of this is it’s the interaction between you and the universe. If you line up with the universe then you can attract that good stuff real quick. But if you only sometimes line up with it or hardly ever line up with it then it may take a long time, if ever.

How do you line up with the universe?

The way we line up with the universe is simply by feeling good. Life will happen. But if you keep bringing yourself back to a better feeling thought and then another and another, you will end up feeling joy, appreciation, empowerment and all those synchronicities will show up for you and reinforce the amazing and powerful being that you are. Everything will show up for you in the perfect time. It’s all happening for you.

So, let the universe be your expert event planner and let it take care of ALL the details.  All you have to do is get into your party dress (or suit) and show up expecting to have a wonderful time.

I invite you to share your experience or ask questions in the comments. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and join our newsletter for health inspirations and tips.

To our health & wellbeing,

Madeleine

A Drug-Free Alternative to Treating Anxiety and Depression

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Mention this article and receive 20% off your first session

If my daughter came to me and told me she was sad or anxious and had been for a long time my reflexive reaction would be to bring her to the doctor. I think whenever there is something wrong with us that’s our first instinct.

What if the anxiety/depression got worse and now you really feel that pressure to find a solution for your child? Maybe it’s you that is experiencing the discomfort of your own emotions.  Often we sweep it under the rug thinking that a solution will be very difficult or it won’t work. That’s the ironic part about depression we feel hopeless so we’re less likely to take action. The excuse with anxiety is often “I already have so much on my plate, how could I possibly take on more?”

Whatever the case I’m here to present you with an alternative.  It’s drug-free, it’s holistic, it’s not harmful to your body and there are no side effects except some detox symptoms and there have been some pretty awesome results specific to anxiety and depression that I will share with you a little later.

Let me share a little about my personal experience with these two conditions.  Until now, I have experienced my share of both depression and a few years ago anxiety. They were both intense at times but neither stopped me from living my life and I wasn’t using any medications to alleviate my symptoms. When I was depressed as a teen I still skated 15 hours a week and wrote my exams at school and was on the honor roll.  I got up every morning and did all the things I had to do. I wanted to ask for help but I didn’t know where to go or who to trust.  Many years later as an adult when the trauma I experienced caused me to carry an extreme fear of the future with me every day. I still got up and went to work and cared for my baby.  Because that’s what you do. I didn’t know why I still felt the anxiety the trauma was over and all was well but I just did. I couldn’t shake it off in the words of Miss Taylor Swift (and my daughter’s favorite song).

My point here is that many of us think that we have to get to a point of no return before we seek help. That is just not the case.

So what do you do when you’re feeling uncomfortable in your own body? You think you’re managing well but in those quiet moments before you go to sleep you really want some relief.  I know I did. I was considering anti-anxiety meds because I was operating under the assumption that it would all go away.  If the herbal solutions I was on didn’t feel good I was sure a drug in my system would feel even worse so I stayed away. But I still wanted to stop feeling like the floor was going to disappear underneath me and as if every little thing was stressing me out. This wasn’t how I used to be! What was happening to me?

But that didn’t stop me from thinking a prescription was the only solution. Me. A holistic healer thinking drugs were the answer! What will stop others to think the same way? We see it in pages of a magazine, in commercials on television that drugs are the answer.  I think part of their appeal is the quick fix mentality. I subscribed to that too but it isn’t true.

Drugs aren’t going to go to the root of your discomfort and heal it from the inside out. Drugs will most likely cover up the symptoms and give you a host of unwanted side effects.

Having said that I feel I need to clarify that I am not anti-drug. If drugs work for you and your body I say go for it but it’s for those people that drugs feel even worse than the depression or anxiety itself. It’s for those people that wish they didn’t’ have to experience the side effects on top of feeling worse just in a different way, they just want relief!

If you’re one of those people wishing there was an alternative to a chemical approach consider the following: According to a University of California Study If you’ve been diagnosed with anxiety or depression within the last 5 years you will have significant improvement in your condition within 3-5 Trame Vibrational Therapy Sessions.

When you choose Trame Vibrational Therapy there are many benefits.

The treatment continues to work on you for up to 40 days

One treatment every 3 weeks (to allow for integration)

No side-effects only detox symptoms

There is no homework.

There is no feedback.

Just long term improvement in your condition.

I’ve experienced the effects of Trame and once you get reconnected your internal guidance system kicks in and shows you the way. That internal guidance system are your emotions and the massages they are sending you are very accurate.  It’s like all of a sudden you progressively get more and more in tune with yourself. You start to accept things you formerly fought against. You make the necessary changes and adjustments in your life that ultimately make you a happier person.

You become empowered to speak up or take action. You reignite your passion for something or someone. You find your creativity again. You get out of your own way.

It’s the person you are already, Trame just reminds you that you are infinite intelligence, infinite wisdom and unconditional love.

All these things happen to my clients on a regular basis. It’s not a cure all. Not all conditions disappear but with anxiety and depression the results have been very consistent.

So, next time you’re feeling off, have trouble sleeping, feel more wound up than you’d like call to schedule a Trame Vibrational Therapy session. In the majority of cases it will give you the relief you’re looking for at minimal cost to your body and wallet.

With gratitude for all you are,

Madeleine Dasilva

I get knocked down but I get up again

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People always say it’s what you do with life’s challenges that determines the course of your life. Do you let them knock you down or do you get up and persevere? Depending on your reaction to a setback you create a different sort of life. A life where the possibilities are endless.

Now I’m not talking about always being ‘up’ or not getting knocked down because we all do. The difference is we get up. We don’t stay down and linger in it.

This topic of getting knocked down is on my mind because a few weeks ago a teacher of mine killed himself. It was unexpected and a shock to all.

How can that be? How can this smiling and seemingly perfect being on the outside possibly be driven to do something like this? It took the wind out of the whole community.

It was never mentioned that suicide was the cause of death. I understand. In order to protect the family it needed to be hidden but at what cost? Does it help us deal with this situation better in the future if we keep it a secret? How can we learn from this horrible situation if we don’t tell the truth about it?

How many teen suicides could be avoided if we shed some light on this? If we talked about it.

REALLY TALKED ABOUT IT.

It’s not something to be ashamed of. Some people are genetically predisposed. Others are in an environment that creates it while others have their own traumas and demons to work out. We all do.

 It left me wondering: If there are endless possibilities in the world and within ourselves, how can someone have painted themselves into a corner so dark that there is only one way out?

Depression is like that. It has a way of shutting the blinds, closing the door and sometimes throwing away the key.  At this point it becomes very hard for help to get through. It takes WANTING to get better, to get the help you need.

Hopelessness is one of the key markers of depression. Hope is exactly what one needs to take the first steps to recovery. Not a lot of it. Just a little bit. Just enough to get you out of bed and open the door a crack. Let some light in, let in a possibility or two that there are other options out there.

A ton of options really. I feel it’s been my life’s purpose to try all sorts of healing, therapy and courses in order to synthesize the information for myself, for my growth to combat my teen depression.

I have a long way to go of course but I’ve come a long way.

I’ve had to tune out my overactive brain and critical thoughts and replace them with empowering ones.

I’ve decided to trust each day that I deserve to be loved unconditionally.

I’ve opened myself up to receive love and not be fearful of it.

I have stopped underestimating myself and started believing in my magic.

For those out there that are suffering there is a solution. There are many solutions. If you could believe for just one moment that you being on this earth has tremendous value that the universe has set out for you challenges but none you can’t surmount when you create an opening for change.

The door doesn’t have to swing wide open. It just needs to be open a crack to let the light in.

If you or someone you know are struggling with depression please reach out to someone. Of course I am always here to help. I would love witness your transformation. It is possible.

Share this with someone who may look perfectly fine on the outside but who you feel is shrinking on the inside. It could save their life.

~ Madeleine

Finding Yourself After a Breakup

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finding yourself after a breakupBreaking up is hard to do.  So, what do you do once it’s over?

Maybe a bit rejected or angry or hurt…whatever the emotion, it’s usually overwhelming and you feel like you’re the only one going through this much pain.  Maybe this relationship wasn’t good for you. Maybe you got lost in it and you don’t really know which way is up anymore.

Ugh. Single again you think. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing! I want to share some of my breakup experiences and what I think is a great way to take advantage of this alone time and really enjoy it instead of just waiting until the next guy/girl comes along.

Step 1: Feel the love

I have a challenge for you. It came as an idea after one of my breakups (and there were many by the way).  Follow me down this train of thought for a minute and see if this doesn’t change your outlook.

Imagine everyone on this planet…of all those people that you haven’t met, I’m sure that millions, if not thousands of them would love to date you and of those million or thousands of people hundreds of them would inevitably fall in love with you (I mean c’mon, look at you!).  Feel that love for a moment. Just because it isn’t your reality at the moment doesn’t mean that you are somehow unlovable or defective. It just means that right now, you are still learning. Learning who you are, who you are meant to be with and what works for you.

Your challenge is to live with this new reality of being completely loved and adored by hundreds of people all around the world that you simply have not met… yet.

Believe that in your bones and see how your reality shifts.

It was a huge shift in perspective and it got me to stop crying all day and night and smile again, knowing that I am loved. Period.  Single or not.

Step 2: Find what makes you happy

This time of singlehood is a wonderful time. It’s the time and space you need in order to figure out what makes you happy.  Let me ask you this: what would your perfect day look like if you were to spend it with yourself? What would you do? Would you start by sleeping in, reading the paper in bed with a coffee on your nightstand? Would you head out for a jog first thing? Or go to a yoga class or retreat? What passions might you have within you that you haven’t discovered yet? Have you always been attracted to a certain instrument or line of work or a place? Research and follow your heartbecause that is where your happiness lies. Not with another person but by getting to know and love and honor yourself. Once you do that, the partner just shows up.

It doesn’t have to be drastic. Maybe you love to have fresh flowers in your home. Maybe you love to write a blog, walk your dog or learn a new language. Maybe you love to binge watch your favorite show (No judgement here!).

Just figure out what you love and then sprinkle it on top of your day and see how it makes you feel.

For me it was salsa dancing…I love to salsa and I am not a Latina in the slightest. I’ve been told that I look like a school teacher and I am also the whitest person I know. Hardly the saucy type!  But as soon as I stepped foot on that dance floor I was the happiest kid on earth. Sure I was a mess, stepping on toes and going off beat but over the last 7 years I have become a bit of a pro (in my mind) and I still enjoy it just the same. For me, it’s the music and the letting go that is so good for my soul. You can’t be in control when you’re dancing, you just have to go with the flow and let your partner lead you. This was a constant lesson for me. For the first 3 years my partner would always say “just relax”!!! It took some time but now I can relax and dance at the same time and I found something that feeds me and makes me super happy.

Step 3: Do something that scares you

Singlehood is a time to do things that may scare you but that you are attracted to doing and would be good for you. For me it was rollerblading. Sure, I shouldn’t be scared of that since I figure skated for 16 years but I was terrified of going out alone and of falling on pavement. The day I went out on my own was scary yes, but also really liberating because I didn’t need a man to hold my hand and plan the day and to make sure I was ok. I was okay on my own and I felt so proud of myself.

Step 4: Relish your alone time

It’s the little things, isn’t it? It’s the going to the restaurant alone or the movies alone, but once you realize that no one really cares if you’re alone as long as you’re happy alone, all the fear will melt from you. You won’t feel like a spotlight is over your head as you sit there eating for one. You’ll be wrapped up in your own world and loving the freedom and comfort of your own company.

To singlehood! It is a great learning experience and a time that you may not ever have again once you’re in a relationship and later on possibly with kids so relish your time alone, your sleep ins, your “ what do I want to do now?” moments because they are short lived. And to develop this skill of listening to yourself, your needs and wants in order to build a stable foundation for the future “relationship you” is so crucial.

In the end, relationship or not you have to continually listen to yourself and what you want and what makes you happy. It’s a skill you will need for the rest of your life. We can’t put our happiness on another person, we need to take responsibility for it. Start now and reap the rewards.