You Are Your Business

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Are you running your own holistic, coaching or healing business?

I’m sure this isn’t news to you but YOU are your business.

Entrepreneurs know what I mean by this.  Our state is the number one predictor of success. If we feel confidant and ready to go that shows up for us as a full schedule of clients. When we doubt, are insecure or don’t feel worthy we repel potential clients.

But what about if you have it all figured out and something comes along as a surprise and throws you off your game? After all no one can predict the loss of a loved one, the onset of a health issue or the ending of a relationship.

This article is about my observation that when you’re going through a tough time in your personal life it is directly reflected in your business in terms of how smoothly it goes as well as how successful you are.

All businesses ebb and flow but when a big trauma hits, it can flatten your efforts at building your dream biz.

Maybe you don’t have as many bookings and you don’t feel particularly motivated or able to give.  Perhaps you are not fully present for your one-on-one sessions or maybe this stress is interrupting your sleep or ability to focus. However it is affecting you, it seems extra stressful to think that because you’re going through something serious that your business will be affected.

Funny thing, when we’re depleted ourselves, it’s like the bat signal gets projected out and the universe responds by giving you the space and time to heal.

Over the short term that’s okay but over the long term that can create panic.

So what do you do when you’d like to transform your state permanently, become empowered and kick some business ass? In the short term choose what you’re going to FOCUS on. In the moment make that choice. It’s incredibly powerful. If you need something deeper as in at a cellular level, I’m the gal for you.

Yes action is important in business. Absolutely. But if you’re in a non-deserving state, an unworthy state, stressed out or burnt out, you won’t attract the kind of success you’re craving.

Clear out the stress at a cellular level like you’ve never experienced before. Re align your body and become empowered in a big way to make you feel like the rock star that you are. As you change, your business will follow suit, I’ve seen it in mine again and again.

After a few Trame sessions you may reach out to a coach to get the training you need or you may take that course you’ve been stewing over for years or it may be that doing the superman pose for two minutes in the bathroom allows you to walk into the room with the confidence you’ve been longing for.

It’s never knowable how Trame will affect you but it does create pretty massive change, myself included. I’ve seen women walk in with zero self worth and walk out 3 sessions later on cloud 9 in love with themselves.

I was struggling with my business big time. I was in a perpetually low state. I felt unworthy and like I didn’t know what I was doing. I struggled with self-confidence and felt uncomfortable receiving money for my services. All this came on after a big trauma that I “thought” I had dealt with.

My couple Trame sessions got me ready to reach out to a coach and build up my mindset so that I could receive and feel good about it. I worked on my worthiness issues by becoming aware of my thoughts and re-working them into a thought I made me feel unstoppable.

It was an intense process but it got me to catch myself in my negative thought patterns.

The brain is just a tool. An amazing computer that can be re-programmed with a little work.

Just like the brain, the body has glitches that need to be cleared out in order to function optimally and restore harmony.

Trame does that. It clears the bugs out so you can make changes in your life with ease.

I would have never reached out to my coach had I not gotten my Trame sessions because I was in a hole. I felt so low that I couldn’t even afford coaching. After Trame I saw it as a necessity and that the money would come and it did.

If you’re ready for change in yourself and your business, Trame is for you. If you’re stuck, this will get you unstuck.

Sometimes all we need is to get out of the hole so we can see the light of day and make a new choice.

You just need to show up. Your infinitely wise body will do the rest.

~ Madeleine

Are You a Sponge for Emotions?

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My dad has always said that I need a peaceful environment. I guess he noticed how frazzled I got when things got too chaotic around me growing up. It could be subtle or obvious but I would felt all the tension or negativity more than the average bear and it would affect me especially since everyone was feeling different things.

 When you’re a sponge for all the emotions around you, it can get overwhelming and affect your mood, productivity or even your sanity at times.

Being spongy is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing when you can use it to help someone or when you’re in a pleasant environment but it’s a curse when you’re surrounded by people that are stressed or upset and you absorb it all like a sponge.

Another word for spongy is being an “empath”.

Empaths pick up on emotions around them.  It becomes an issue is when:

  1. We have trouble not absorbing it, we have no choice.
  2. We have trouble letting it go

Empaths can’t squeeze out the sponge so easily. We carry it around with us. It’s not good for our health or our state of mind and it continues to build up inside.

So what do you do if you’re a spongy empath? Well lucky for you there are many ways to squeeze out that sponge and release all those absorbed feelings.

The most effective ones I’ve experienced are one and two on the list below. Hands down the fastest way to dump all that accumulated stuff that you don’t want to carry around anymore while empowering different aspects of the self.

Effective Ways to Squeeze Out the Sponge:

  1. Trame Vibrational Healing
  2. Qi Gong (the clearing one by Master Yap)
  3. Healing
  4. Therapy
  5. Meditation
  6. Walking in nature
  7. Yoga

Being spongy steals you away from your own present moment and transports you to another’s reality. There isn’t anything wrong with that in moderation but I find the more you feel other’s stuff, the more drawn into their drama you become. It has the tendency to replace your own mental space and temporarily takes your focus away from your own life.

One of my clients’ told me that she was so aware of their boss lurking around the corner that she was on edge the whole day and couldn’t get into her groove at work.  She was so worried that at any second the big boss will pop his head in and criticize her.

She being a sponge felt everyone around her and it was affecting her ability to focus on her work.  After two Trame Vibrational Therapy sessions she said: “You know what? It doesn’t matter what is going on around me, I just don’t take it on”. She continued to explain how even in the presence of auditors, she didn’t break a sweat. It was like water off a ducks back!

One big advantage of Trame Vibrational Therapy is that it squeezes out that sponge so that you don’t continue to accumulate everyone’s stuff. Secondly, it makes you less sensitive to the drama around you leaving you better able to deal with everyday stress or even bigger life stresses. You can tune in if you choose but it becomes a choice not a given.

Don’t get me wrong being empathetic is a gift but there is a balance to be found between being empathetic and being present to your own thoughts and feelings and living YOUR life.

When this is off balance we can feel we are at the mercy of what is going on around us.  We feel defenseless to swim in the soup of emotions that surround us.  If you have the choice to leave that is great but oftentimes we’re at work and can’t change our environment.

If you can’t change your environment, change your perception of your environment.

Trame is like a “big data dump” as one of my clients described. She felt empty and quiet inside afterwards.

If you’re a spongy person, make sure you get regular if not, daily data dumps by doing any of the strategies I’ve mentioned in this article or one of your own that gives you peace and quiet inside. This “data” accumulates inside of us and needs to be cleared out regularly otherwise it will start affecting our health, mental clarity, sleep, relationships and ability to experience joy.

In this life, it is all about you and your growth. It’s okay to focus inward and pay attention to you. There is nothing wrong with that.

To your growth & awareness!

With gratitude,

Madeleine Dasilva

Finding Yourself After a Breakup

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finding yourself after a breakupBreaking up is hard to do.  So, what do you do once it’s over?

Maybe a bit rejected or angry or hurt…whatever the emotion, it’s usually overwhelming and you feel like you’re the only one going through this much pain.  Maybe this relationship wasn’t good for you. Maybe you got lost in it and you don’t really know which way is up anymore.

Ugh. Single again you think. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing! I want to share some of my breakup experiences and what I think is a great way to take advantage of this alone time and really enjoy it instead of just waiting until the next guy/girl comes along.

Step 1: Feel the love

I have a challenge for you. It came as an idea after one of my breakups (and there were many by the way).  Follow me down this train of thought for a minute and see if this doesn’t change your outlook.

Imagine everyone on this planet…of all those people that you haven’t met, I’m sure that millions, if not thousands of them would love to date you and of those million or thousands of people hundreds of them would inevitably fall in love with you (I mean c’mon, look at you!).  Feel that love for a moment. Just because it isn’t your reality at the moment doesn’t mean that you are somehow unlovable or defective. It just means that right now, you are still learning. Learning who you are, who you are meant to be with and what works for you.

Your challenge is to live with this new reality of being completely loved and adored by hundreds of people all around the world that you simply have not met… yet.

Believe that in your bones and see how your reality shifts.

It was a huge shift in perspective and it got me to stop crying all day and night and smile again, knowing that I am loved. Period.  Single or not.

Step 2: Find what makes you happy

This time of singlehood is a wonderful time. It’s the time and space you need in order to figure out what makes you happy.  Let me ask you this: what would your perfect day look like if you were to spend it with yourself? What would you do? Would you start by sleeping in, reading the paper in bed with a coffee on your nightstand? Would you head out for a jog first thing? Or go to a yoga class or retreat? What passions might you have within you that you haven’t discovered yet? Have you always been attracted to a certain instrument or line of work or a place? Research and follow your heartbecause that is where your happiness lies. Not with another person but by getting to know and love and honor yourself. Once you do that, the partner just shows up.

It doesn’t have to be drastic. Maybe you love to have fresh flowers in your home. Maybe you love to write a blog, walk your dog or learn a new language. Maybe you love to binge watch your favorite show (No judgement here!).

Just figure out what you love and then sprinkle it on top of your day and see how it makes you feel.

For me it was salsa dancing…I love to salsa and I am not a Latina in the slightest. I’ve been told that I look like a school teacher and I am also the whitest person I know. Hardly the saucy type!  But as soon as I stepped foot on that dance floor I was the happiest kid on earth. Sure I was a mess, stepping on toes and going off beat but over the last 7 years I have become a bit of a pro (in my mind) and I still enjoy it just the same. For me, it’s the music and the letting go that is so good for my soul. You can’t be in control when you’re dancing, you just have to go with the flow and let your partner lead you. This was a constant lesson for me. For the first 3 years my partner would always say “just relax”!!! It took some time but now I can relax and dance at the same time and I found something that feeds me and makes me super happy.

Step 3: Do something that scares you

Singlehood is a time to do things that may scare you but that you are attracted to doing and would be good for you. For me it was rollerblading. Sure, I shouldn’t be scared of that since I figure skated for 16 years but I was terrified of going out alone and of falling on pavement. The day I went out on my own was scary yes, but also really liberating because I didn’t need a man to hold my hand and plan the day and to make sure I was ok. I was okay on my own and I felt so proud of myself.

Step 4: Relish your alone time

It’s the little things, isn’t it? It’s the going to the restaurant alone or the movies alone, but once you realize that no one really cares if you’re alone as long as you’re happy alone, all the fear will melt from you. You won’t feel like a spotlight is over your head as you sit there eating for one. You’ll be wrapped up in your own world and loving the freedom and comfort of your own company.

To singlehood! It is a great learning experience and a time that you may not ever have again once you’re in a relationship and later on possibly with kids so relish your time alone, your sleep ins, your “ what do I want to do now?” moments because they are short lived. And to develop this skill of listening to yourself, your needs and wants in order to build a stable foundation for the future “relationship you” is so crucial.

In the end, relationship or not you have to continually listen to yourself and what you want and what makes you happy. It’s a skill you will need for the rest of your life. We can’t put our happiness on another person, we need to take responsibility for it. Start now and reap the rewards. 

The Masks We Wear

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I think we all expect ourselves to be “perfect” in our own ways and then we hide when were not.  At least I know I do. I’m ashamed that I’m feeling low or haven’t succeeded at something and I hide away in small and sometimes bigger ways. It got me thinking that perhaps we all put on a mask to a certain extent. Some more than others. We do it to feel strong when we’re feeling vulnerable because we’re flawed and we don’t want others to see our spots.

We all have the same Six Core Wounds:

  1. I am unlovable
  2. I am unworthy
  3. I am bad
  4. I am powerless
  5. I’m not safe
  6. I am alone

You may wonder how that can possible be. You’ve heard that we’re all connected and this is true in our wounds as well. We share in the collective consciousness of the planet.  Your fears are the fears of the planet. If we all have a different mix of the six wounds so chances are your neighbor or friend has the same fears as you.  None of these are true yet we all share them.

So if we’re all basically the same, why are we hiding from each other?

I remember I was at diner with a group of fellow students and the gentleman beside me told me he wrote poetry. I thought: “Cool! Can I read one?” He was super embarrassed and said: “I couldn’t”. So I started telling him my theory about how we’re all basically the same so why would you feel shy to share? Turns out I wasn’t that convincing and I didn’t get to read his poem after all but it confirmed my original belief that we hide from one another.

We all put on a mask, yet we pretend we’re not.  Why are we trying to hide our true selves?

We’re all different and lovely in our own wacky way. I am particularly fond of my rose gold high tops but my husband thinks I’m stuck in the ‘90’s whereas my daughter bites her nails like a stockbroker on the trading floor. No one says anything, we just observe and move on. How boring would it be if we all tried to be the same? Our quirks are what makes each of us so interesting. We often think our quirks are negative but they bring such joy to others.

I actually tried to be “normal” in University. I lasted about a week.  I was being teased for saying silly things and so I decided: “No more!” I was going to be totally normal from now on. I didn’t get made fun of but it was the most boring week of my life.

Some of us have mastered that being ourselves in all our glory is okay. It’s more than okay, it’s a privilege that only you have!

 If you won’t be yourself, who will?

I’m sitting here at the age of 36 just now figuring out that I am worthy and it is okay to fully be myself. More than okay, it makes my life feel blissful. I am saying the things I want to say, telling the jokes I think are funny and doing what I’m passionate about for a living and loving every minute of it.

Only you can give yourself permission to be yourself. To live your life the way you are happy and fulfilled to live it. No one else will come along and say: “Hey, you don’t like that, why are you doing it?”

When we’re not ourselves we bury our real thoughts, emotions and words. We ignore them and stuff them down. They accumulate inside of us. The pain may not be apparent right away but with each day, each opportunity missed it will drain instead of inspire you.

If we all have the same fears and we’re all connected then there is absolutely no reason to hide your unique genius and quirks. It will light up the people around you to see you love and accept yourself and inspire them to do the same.

Pick and choose which wounds resonate with you and flip them around. You’ll be amazed at how simple turning these around can be!

Simply telling yourself each morning:

  1. I am lovable
  2. I am worthy
  3. I am good
  4. I am powerful
  5. I am safe
  6. I am surrounded by love and support

With love & gratitude,

Madeleine Dasilva